The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name. If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story. The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors. I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.
This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.
Here is Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 19
I got on the scale this morning. The number wasn’t as bad as I was worried it would be, but it is still not in twoville. I knew I would not see good news, but as I expected, there were no surprises there. I know by how I feel what is happening, without getting on the scale every day. It had been a while, and I needed a reference.
I am having trouble in my kitchen this week. There has been an invasion of ants. I have declared war, and I think we are winning. It is a slow progress kind of war, and it has distracted me from my personal tasks and goals.
I have not had an ant free day in my kitchen all week. I am seeing less and less ants, and the ones I saw today seemed to be slower than those in the last few days, so I am tentatively hopeful that this means the war is almost over. I have not wanted to make anything to eat in my kitchen all week, as a result of this.
My healthy lifestyle has become a casualty of war. It could have gone in two different directions. One being I stopped eating anything because I am so grossed out about the ants being in my kitchen. This is not realistic. I have to eat. So I did it again. I ate take out all week. Let me tell you, I am not thrilled about this, but I felt like it was the only way I could eat because of the ants.
Is it a legitimate thing to do? Yes. Is it an excuse to eat out and go the easy route for the week? Yes. Is it productive and conducive towards my personal goals for living a healthier lifestyle? No. Is it a budget friendly option? No. Is it a logical solution? Maybe. I write that because when I haven’t been cooking, I have been hunting and cleaning up the countertop that the ants are crawling on. That means all the hard work I did cleaning the whole winter, my coffee station, and the countertops all have to be emptied and wiped clean AGAIN. For the millionth time this week. Ugh.
I have made progress in other areas of my life in the last month. I have been cleaning and purging stuff. I have been writing about that in my Weekend Warrior Category. I am preparing to write books, and have been practising on my blog, getting into the habit of writing. I have done well with both of these projects, and I can let myself be proud of the progress I am making in those areas. So why is it OK for me to let myself down in the most important part of my life, my health and well being? It’s not.
I had a genuine blood sugar low today at work. My sugars were at 3.9 when I tested, and I was in full panic mode when I did. I can feel it happening in my body. I start feeling a wave of uneasiness, and I start to panic. When it is an actual blood sugar low, I get weak and shaky. My head and scalp perspire profusely. I mean buckets. I get a little confused and have a really hard time focusing. I was in a meeting when I started to feel it happen, and I rushed out asap and tested while chewing up suckers and drinking a juice box. I got some extra candy from some colleagues, and I overcompensated because I was panicked. It took me about two to two and a half hours to recover from that episode. I am much better this evening.
I know why it happened. I went to Zumba last night, and it had been a few weeks since the last class. I started to get my regular exercise routine back. I took my normal amount of insulin this morning. But my body was doing that thing it does when I am trying to watch what I am doing, and it became sensitive to the insulin again. It is great that it works better sometimes, but it is not so great when I happen to have that in between adjustment period that causes me to have lows and have to lower my doses of insulin. Which is also good, because it means that I am achieving better control over my blood sugars. But what a roller coaster ride that can be!
It is hard to adjust to everything all at once. I am a fighter, and I am still able to do what needs to be done. Sometimes I need to remind myself that it is not OK to put my own health and wellness on the bottom of my list. Because it needs to be as important as everything else I invest my time in. I tell people all the time that I am tougher than I look. I believe it. But I also know that I am a human being and that I am not supposed to be perfect. All I can do is get up every morning and do the best I can in all aspects of my life. It is a work in progress, and progress is progress, so I will take it and run with it. Until I can’t catch my breath. And then I will keep moving in the right direction. One step at a time.