The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name. If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story. The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors. I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.
This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.
Here is Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 36
Well, I have good news, and bad news this week. I went to the Doctor. Not because I was sick, but rather because it was time for a checkup. I met my new doctor. Finally. If first impressions are worth anything, I knew in the first minute I found myself a good one. She seemed meticulous and genuinely wanted to get an idea for my plans in relation to my overall health before my checkup. I needed to find a doctor that I could trust, again. My last doctor was good, but I think this one is going to be great.
The bad news is that I got weighed. I am not at the all-time high from before, but I certainly am not in as good a shape as I have been in the past. I am not following the plan, and I am visibly showing that to the world.
What is wrong with me? Why do I eat things that are bad for me? Why can’t I just lose weight and eat whatever I want to eat, like skinny people do?
I have health issues. I have reasons, and I know that realistically, it didn’t add up overnight, so it will not be removed overnight, either. I know in my mind that junk food is bad for me, and healthy food can taste good. But sometimes I pick the lazy way. Other times I self-sabotage. There are times when I just make up excuses and choose to believe them, even though I know they are lies. Chocolate and the monster have been prominent in the last few months.
I don’t know how long I am going to be in this slump. I do know that the number on the scale made me take notice. It is a real number, one I can’t pretend isn’t an issue anymore by refusing to weigh myself. Avoidance is not a valid option when it comes to Diabetes. I know that. I am having difficulties in other parts of my life, and something is holding me back from being the best version of myself.
Sometimes, you have to hit rock bottom before you can climb out of a slump and rise up to your next level. Whatever I am going through in my personal life, I can’t eat it away. I have to face it and deal with it. Head on.
That is not an easy thing to do. It is not an easy thing to think about, let alone to write about, to share with people. But it is going to help me break free and move forward.
Change is hard. I have been pushing my limits with my writing and my blog while keeping a day job and running on coffee. I have been out of the multivitamins for a few months, now, and I plan to buy some again asap. They do help.
I got the doctor to change one of my prescriptions. One of the side effects of the other medication was drowsiness, and I was having a hard time with it. I know that I am a night owl, but I used to be OK with keeping up with my current schedule. I am starting to not do as well as before.
Maybe that was me tapping into the mystical energy people talk about having when they lose weight. I have gone in the wrong direction on the scale, again, and that is definitely a factor. Being heavier means it is harder to do everything because you weigh more. It doesn’t mean I am going to stop and give up.
I need to do some soul searching, and find a reason to get things back on track. I know I felt better, had more energy, and was happier. But if things are not Ok on the inside, and I am spending some of the precious energy I do have in keeping up the appearance of being happy for the world to see, then I need to get to the root of the problem, so I can find a solution.
It isn’t easy, but it is necessary to propel me into my next level. The fear of wondering how bad my weight has become is not holding anything over my head anymore. I know what it is, and I know how it happened. Now I have to find out why, so I can take the next step to working on my goals. I have to keep telling myself that I am worth the effort, that I matter, and that it is important to make my health a priority. It won’t be easy, but nothing worth doing ever is. Time to deep dive into my issues and make some changes.