Trust Your Gut, Tish’s Story; Part 43

trust-your-gut

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Homepage for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 43

43, just like me! Sometimes, when I look at the number of the story I am writing, I just have to shake my head. I am still coming up with ideas, so I am still going to keep writing. Sometimes the stories are short, and other times I ramble on a little long, but there is usually a point or a lesson, or a laugh somewhere in it, right?

This story starts with my Zodiac sign. I was born in July, and that makes my sign Cancer, the Crab. It aligns with my fascination for water. I don’t like that it is called cancer, but I didn’t name it. I just live with it, and try to navigate life with all the knowledge I can gather. I have friends that believe in many different things, and that is fine by me. I don’t necessarily believe everything I read about the sign I am under, but it is fun to read my horoscopes once in a while.

Why am I writing about this? Well, I got to thinking this week that I have that sign, and years ago when I met my husband, I told him that I had a wall. To protect me from the rest of the world. It took time to build up the trust to let him in, to where my heart is. I have no regrets, we are still very much a united front in marriage, and he is my bull. His sign is Taurus. We are a good fit for each other.

I was thinking like I ALWAYS do, and I thought that the crab has a shell, like the metaphorical wall I used to keep around myself for protection. So in a way, the two are the same. But what does the shell do for the crab?

It keeps it from getting hurt. It keeps other animals from having crab legs for lunch. The world can be cruel and harsh, and the fear of being eaten alive, either literally for the crab, or metaphorically for me, is a real fear.

I have spent a lot of time keeping things to myself, over the years. When I started the blog, I also started putting myself out there. I write about how I am feeling, what I am doing, and whatever else I happen to think up.

The protective shell, physically, for a morbidly obese person, is fat. Layers and layers of fat. It doesn’t deflect every mean word or thing that it encounters. But if you are quiet, and try to stay under the radar, by just being a blob in the corner, you can minimize the number of attacks that you could encounter by hiding within it. It is almost like jello, but not everything bounces off the surface like it would after the jello is set.

My layers of fat are set. I have had them for years. I have hidden inside them for the majority of my life. It is not healthy, but it is the comfort that I know.

I know it isn’t easy to be a morbidly obese person. I know it might surprise you that I go to Zumba twice a week, every week that I can. I know it would be easier to just not care and eat my way into an early grave.

Do you hear that? It is a teeny, tiny little version of myself that is squeaking to get out. It wants to be free and to be healthy. It wants me to do the work, and be proud of myself for every little bit of progress that I make. I went to Zumba twice this week, even though my seasonal depression (which is not officially diagnosed) is starting to kick me into hibernation mode. It is cold outside. I might fall down, again. I am almost recovered from falling a week and a half ago. I got back up. I was bruised, but not broken. I am tougher than I look. Which was pretty bad about a week ago. I don’t want to go into the land of ice and snow at all, anymore. I am scared to fall down.

I got back up. Every morning that I fight my way out of dreamland and my warm bed to face a new day is just the same thing for me. It is a struggle, but I do it, every day.

One day I won’t be able to. I used to worry about that day a lot more than I do now. I am proud of what I have done, and I am setting some goals for the upcoming year. I have started cooking healthier food again. I am trying, and then I am doing the things that I need to do.

The easy way is lazy, cowardly, and hidden under layers of morbidly obese fat. I am tired of hiding. It is time to let my inner glow have a turn at making me shine for all the world to see. I am going to work harder on myself than I ever have before, in 2018. There are things I want to accomplish before my time is done, and I am determined (stubborn) enough to fight to get them done.

#TrustYourGut

 

 

 

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Treasure Seeker Tuesday #11

tish hedge square lobster

Treasure Seeker Tuesday: Photo by Tish MacWebber; Photo Edited by Noa Price

We are on the verge of a new year, Treasure Seekers! I have alluded to picking a word to define my 2018 earlier in the week. I picked the word success. I want 2018 to be my most successful year ever.

What does that mean to me? Well, I sat down and wrote a list for my Facebook posts until New Year’s Day. I started this on December 17th, and that gives me a count of 15 days until January 1st.

Here is my list of what it would mean to have a year of Success in 2018:

15.Launching my Website on January 1st, 2018. (I have 14 more days to work on this)

14.Learning how to make a proper Launch and Landing page before the website launch on January 1st, 2018. Also setting up an email list and starting a newsletter.

13.Finish writing more than 1 book. At least 2 published and writing my Fantasy Trilogy Book 1 by a year from now.

12. Supplementing my income with sales from my website.

11.Plan a real vacation. 2 weeks. Need to fly to get there and back. 2 days before and after, 10 days at the destination.

10.Jewellery sales increasing after adding the jewellery to the website.

9.Using my 2 new 2018 planners to the fullest extent.

8.Purging things. Lots of things. More than last year.

7.Finishing the Housecleaning challenge. A Bowl Full of Lemons runs it, check it out online here. There is a Facebook Group, but it is a closed group. You will need to ask to join it if you are interested in that.

6.Having a job related to the field of writing.

5.Collaborating with musicians to get at least one of my songs recorded and playable for other people to hear. Writing more lyrics.

4.Getting a new pet (or a duo).

3.Becoming more active.

2.Lose weight the right way

1.Become a Best Selling Author.

I know. That list is ambitious. It reflects my current mindset and goals. I am writing it here and now (and all the rest of December on my Facebook page) because I am not making New Years Resolutions this year. I am just going to set the bar high and do my best to make my way over the top.

I challenge you all to do the same. Let’s make 2018 the best year ever. I am starting now. What about you?
As always, feel free to comment on what this post meant to you when you read it. If you pick a word or want to share a list of your own, I would be happy to see it.

#TreasureSeekerTuesday

 

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 42

trust-your-gut

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Homepage for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 42

 

I got creative in the kitchen, yesterday. It has been a while. I made brown rice and added fresh mushrooms, green onion, and leftover roast beef in it. I used hoisin sauce. It was in the cupboard, so I used it. It made supper for 2 last night, and my lunch today. I have a little roast beef and green onion left for my roast beef special sandwich for lunch tomorrow. I really love roast beef, green onion, tomato, mayo and A1 sauce done up like a roast beef salad sandwich. My mom named it The Roast Beef Special, and I make it every time I cook a roast beef in the oven.

It has been a busy year for me. I have been working hard on the book, the website, the organizing, the blog, and building my business from the ground up. I have spent hours working on all of these things, but I think I forgot something along the way. Me. My health. I got lazy.

It is so much easier to be lazy and not do the work needed to live a healthier lifestyle. I have lost and gained. I am again scared to weigh myself. I am just not wanting to know the bad news. I am getting back into the practice of making better choices. I have to. My health depends on it.

I have had to work on the insulin levels again. That means I am doing better, when I start having lows it means I am needing to lower the dose. That means my body is responding to the things that I am doing right.

We are on the edge of a food centered holiday. I am not sure how well I will do. On one hand, I can make treats and try to stick to the THM plan. It is a good way to try to plan ahead. There will be times, though when I will not be in control of the meal, and I will have to make the best choices that I can at the time. Other times I will make things that I know will be good choices to have to eat when I can. So I do have a plan. Sort of.

I also need to start making the moonshine again. Yes, you read that right. THM has a recipe for Good Girl Moonshine. GGMS as it is called, has water, apple cider vinegar, and ginger with a sweetener in it. I add Black Cherry Berry Celestial Seasonings tea to mine. I really enjoy drinking it, and it makes you run to release it if you catch my drift. I have learned that I should not drink it during the day while I am at work. I can have it after work and on the weekends, though. I bought a mason jar with a spout just for the GGMS. I think it is time for a test run. I need to start making little changes now so that I will be on track for 2018.

Have you started thinking about New Year’sResolutions yet? I have, and I will get them organized and plan things out better this year. I did a lot in 2017. What do I want to accomplish in 2018? More. I want to take everything I have done in 2017 and do it better in 2018.  It is a place to start, and to build on. That is something I can do, start with little things, and push my limits and go for everything. One thing at a time, then another, and another. I have to start somewhere, and I am not going to wait. The only one that loses out if I keep putting things off is me. And the only thing I want to lose is weight. The time is now.

#TrustYourGut

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 41

trust-your-gut

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Homepage for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 41

I have so much going on in the next 48 hours I was almost not sure what to write about. I figured it out, just now. I am both attending a potluck and hosting a 2 hour long party tomorrow. So I thought about it, and this week I am going to write about how to handle those situations.

I love a good potluck. I love food. Especially food that is not good for me, because that is what makes it so good, right? As a person that loves to eat, a potluck can be really dangerous.

How do I handle it? 

First of all, I am going to only fill my plate once, unless there is so much that I need to visits to try all of the things. Inevitably I will get full. The goal is to be sensible, and comfortably full.

How am I going to manage that?

One trick is to not be ravenous when you show up at a potluck (or at a party.) You can prep for this at home, if you are home before going to the event. It will be a little harder at work because I can not whip up something healthy and filling like a smoothie an hour before I go.

The second tip is to make something that you know is a healthy choice for you. I am bringing BigMac Salad. I know I love it so there will be something for me to eat. People at work are always looking to see what I am eating for lunch if it is not an ordinary looking meal. The salad is a meal that has had a lot of curious people asking about it, so I am bringing it for them to try tomorrow.

The third thing is to use common sense. You don’t have to eat ABSOLUTELY everything that is there. Be picky about what you put on your plate. If you have to try the brownie (I hope there are brownies) then just have a small one. If there are other salads, start there, and fill your plate with the healthy food first. My rule of try one of every colour of candy in the bag and walk away is not exactly the best rule for the potluck, but it does help me in other situations, to have a sample, not the whole bag.

I chose 7-9 pm with my Municipal Liason for NaNoWriMo for several reasons. I will need down time after work. I will need scramble time for final party preparations. I will need time to eat something for supper (I made that tonight, I will have leftovers tomorrow for supper, right after work). I also picked that time and made a plan as to what we will have for the party refreshments.

I took control of the party so that it is not a free for all with junk food and meals. Timing means snacks. I will provide some of them, and those will be decently healthy choices. I bought a box of clementines, and some cheese and crackers. Nothing extravagant, but a little better than ordinary. I got fancy cheese. It was on sale, and I will cut the cheese (LOL!) tomorrow when I get home from work.

With these few tips, I may go a little off track tomorrow, but I take comfort in the fact that I am planning ahead to make sensible choices. I will not need weeks to recover from going way off course, it will be nothing but a minor detour that I can easily find my way back from.

How do you handle the temptation to indulge too much when you are at a party or a potluck? Do you have any other tips or tricks that can be shared? If so, please feel free to comment below.

#TrustYourGut

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 40

trust-your-gut

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Homepage for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 40

This week has been hard on me. I am writing a book, and I participated in NaNoWriMo to try to write 50,000 words in the month of November, with several hundred thousand people all around the world. I am currently waiting for the final validation as I write this.  I am really anxious about it. I want to beat 25,000 words. Time will tell.

I have not finished the book, just like I have not finished my journey to become a healthier version of myself.  It is going to take more work. I will have to spend time on the writing, editing and then work on publishing and sales.

In my journey to be a healthier version of myself, I have to work on my diet, my exercise, my self esteem, and being able to stop listening to the little voice in my head that talks me into doing destructive things, and to eat things that are not going to be the best option for my goals.

I know all of this. I know what to do. But being human means that sometimes I make the wrong choices. It is inevitable. So instead of focusing on what I did wrong this week, I am going to share what I did right.

I went to Zumba twice. Excellent. I didn’t overeat the wrong things when I chose to eat them. I didn’t panic today when my sugars were close to a low at lunchtime. I ate my lunch, and then I had 1 sucker just to make sure I would be OK.  I avoided the panic of wanting to get chocolate, just in case.

I did alright, all things considered. My official word count is 25,223. I broke 25,000. That is a lot of writing. I am learning about my style, and how to get things going again. The same must be said for my struggles with my health. I went to Zumba twice this week, and my body responded better than previously to insulin. That is why I almost had a low. It shows that hard work pays off and that I can do it.

I have finished NaNoWriMo for this year. I do not know if I will do it again. I do know that I learned a lot about how I like to approach writing a book.

I have happily worn some of my new clothes this week. The new jeans fit like a glove. I don’t have to be losing weight to appreciate something that fits me well. I am going to need some more jeans soon, but these are a good fit for now. I haven’t worn all of the new clothes, yet, but I am liking what I bought so far.

I have 4 spaghetti squash to cook this weekend. I am supposed to share it, as my friend gives me some to turn onto something edible to share. Maybe now that I am done with NaNoWriMo, I can shift my focus to my healthy journey again. I am trying, and that is what I will keep working on until I am doing it again. It will happen. I just have to keep working on it.

#TrustYourGut

 

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 39

trust-your-gut

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Homepage for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 39

Balance. I was trying to decide what my topic was going to be about this week, and it came to me. I need to write about balance. It is a word that has a lot of meaning and plays an important role in my journey to become a healthier version of myself.

 

I will start with Zumba. It is a dance exercise class. I am not the most athletic person. I really love dancing, though. Almost as much as I love swimming. I like biking and skating also. I have not done the latter two for years. I was swimming in the ocean in July. I went to Zumba class twice this week. So I am most active in Zumba class. I go. I do my thing.

I had Wednesday off for a vacation day this week. I then went to Zumba class, and it was an amazing class for me. I felt free and had no weight on my shoulders from spending the day at work. What a nice change it was.  I danced and moved around with a little more zest last night at class. During the stretch, I always amaze myself with my balance. If I take a few extra seconds to set up for my “tall” stretch, I can stand on my tippy toes and reach high up and hold it longer than I used to. It takes those few extra seconds to set it up, but I can be comfortable in the stretch when I do. If I don’t, I wobble. I have yet to fall over at Zumba (it is not a goal, it is a fear) and I have to catch my balance there sometimes. I can trip over my own feet in a split second, and then recover in the next second. I have mad skills at this. Once in a while, gravity wins. The result of that usually leaves me in shock, because I am such a clutz, I normally have an equally remarkable recovery skill.

Balance.  The Trim Healthy Mama (THM) plan, also involves balance. I am still having commitment issues, but that is not what I am referring to. The plan encourages a way of pairing the foods that you eat to maximize weight loss by using protein as the foundation and pairing it either with low carbs, or healthy fats. The way you plan your meals on THM creates the balance for you. It evens out if you find the way your body responds to the different types of food combinations. When I focus, I can see it working. I need to work harder, but also find the balance for real world situations.

Balance. The time spent and meal planning will be the balance for the healthier version of me. I need to make the time to plan and prep cook. Then when I need something quick, it is an easy fix. That is a no brainer.

Balance. Sleep and exercise. I need to find more time to sleep and exercise. I have been so busy at different times this year. I know that sleep and exercise are important. Especially if I am going to work my way into writing full time. I know I function better if I have regular sleeping hours. I just get wrapped up in things when I am working on the website, the blog, or my books. It also slips away from me when I am working on other hobbies.  Working on my passions is a source of great happiness for me, but I have to remember that other things matter as well.

Balance.  I love coffee. I love pop. I love alcoholic beverages. I do not love water.  When I do drink, I choose everything before water. I need to balance that a little better.

Balance. I need to find it. In my blood sugars, food, health, exercise, sleep, hydration, passion, creativity, and every other aspect of my life.

What are you doing to achieve balance in your life?

#TrustYourGut

 

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 38

trust-your-gut

I had a health scare this week. I was at work when my chest felt tight like I couldn’t breathe in a deep breath. I have been experiencing ringing in my ears and realized it is affecting my sleep. I had a lot of indigestion. I was worried.  I have read that the symptoms for women that have heart attacks are not as easy to tell as they are with men. I have some of the risk factors, including my weight, and diabetes. So when I was trying to ascertain what was happening in my body, I thought maybe I should go get checked out.

When I got to the hospital, I spent a fair bit of time talking to the triage nurse. She asked a lot of questions, and someone else took my temperature and blood pressure. I had no fever, and although my blood pressure was high, I was quite admittedly, freaking out.

I am not the most active person in the world, but I enjoy Zumba, and sometimes, when I want to, I can run short distances. If I’ve gotta go bad enough, I will run to the washroom, for example.  I can walk fast when crossing the street if there is a car waiting for me to cross it. I can push my speed limits, and I have the capability to do more than I actually do sometimes.

I do go to Zumba, as often as I can. Last night I missed class. I was at the hospital. I hated missing class, but by the time I left work early, I needed to follow through and make sure that I was going to be OK.

I didn’t have pain, but my chest was feeling really tight. It was hard to take in a deep breath. I had a lot of gas, and that was making it worse. I decided to take a walk outside to see if I could make myself feel better.

It didn’t help, and at that point, I was really starting to panic. I was upset. My supervisor and another supervisor talked to me for a few minutes, and I called Roy to come and get me. He was home, it happened to be his day off. I made him take me to the hospital. He waited with me, even though it drove him a little crazy to lose all of that time there.

Six hours later, they had run an ECG and taken bloodwork and cleared me from having any issues with my heart. I can still have faith that my heart is strong, and it wasn’t the issue yesterday.  I didn’t get an official diagnosis, but I am fairly certain that it was an anxiety attack, also known as a panic attack. As it came with a new symptom this time, I didn’t want to take any chances.

After the doctor ran the bloodwork, he came back and asked me about another incident in 2013. I was confused and said I didn’t remember that, and he was confused because they had run a 24 hour test on me at that time. When we questioned him, he looked again. He explained a few minutes later that another paper was mixed in my papers, and everything was normal. Talk about a mix-up. Doctors are human too, and there had been two traumas arrive while I was waiting to be seen. As long as he corrected the mistake, and apologized, that was fine by me. It also meant I was not losing my mind.

Living my life as someone that is classified as morbidly obese does come with its own challenges. I can’t do everything I want to do sometimes. I have to pace myself and fight to catch my breath when I do push too hard. I have to learn to say no a little more often, and I don’t like that word, no. I need to take more time to rest so that I don’t have panic attacks. I need to work on me a little harder. I am trying, really hard on that one.

The doctor said that it was good for me to get checked out. I had actually seen him when I had the knee infection two years ago. I don’t think he remembered me, but I remembered his name. He did tell me that they don’t want people to be there for every little concern, of course, but that if I had a genuine concern about my heart, they would rather see me go get it checked then have me found after something bad happened, and it is too late. I felt a little silly waiting there all that time but relieved that all the tests came back normal.

Having panic attacks are becoming more common in my life, and I plan to talk to my new doctor about it next month. It may be why my ears are ringing so much. I really need that to calm down. Knowing that what I felt may just be another symptom of a panic attack, will help me do what I have done to deal with them so far. I usually calm myself down, but I have to know what is going on before I can do that. Yesterday had a curveball.

I was trying to figure out how to explain panic attacks to people that don’t get them. I am not an expert, nor do I know if what works for me would work for other people. I was thinking before I started writing, that for me it is like treading water.  I love swimming, and treading water is a good skill to have. I can tread water for a good amount of time and I don’t mind doing that. However, it is harder to do if you are only using your legs. For me, if I am only using my legs, and then I lift my arms up over my head, I go under the water. So I metaphorically had my arms up over my head yesterday, and I had to stop and reassess.

I stayed home today to rest and recover from yesterday’s ordeal. I needed the downtime, and I hope it will help me cope better with work tomorrow, and next week. I postponed an event I am hosting here for a week later, to give me more time to be ready. I have been told in the past that I am too hard on myself. Maybe I am. But I don’t know any other way to be. So I am going to keep treading water and keep working on me. I am glad I did go to the hospital, if for no other reason than to know what was ruled out after the testing was done. Now I have to figure out a better way to deal with my stress and anxiety so I can carry on and do what I was meant to do with my time here. I don’t have any plans of giving up anytime soon.

#TrustYourGut

 

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 36

trust-your-gut

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Homepage for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 36

Well, I have good news, and bad news this week.  I went to the Doctor. Not because I was sick, but rather because it was time for a checkup.  I met my new doctor. Finally.  If first impressions are worth anything, I knew in the first minute I found myself a good one.  She seemed meticulous and genuinely wanted to get an idea for my plans in relation to my overall health before my checkup.  I needed to find a doctor that I could trust, again. My last doctor was good, but I think this one is going to be great.

The bad news is that I got weighed.  I am not at the all-time high from before, but I certainly am not in as good a shape as I have been in the past.  I am not following the plan, and I am visibly showing that to the world.

What is wrong with me? Why do I eat things that are bad for me? Why can’t I just lose weight and eat whatever I want to eat, like skinny people do?

I have health issues.  I have reasons, and I know that realistically, it didn’t add up overnight, so it will not be removed overnight, either.  I know in my mind that junk food is bad for me, and healthy food can taste good. But sometimes I pick the lazy way. Other times I self-sabotage. There are times when I just make up excuses and choose to believe them, even though I know they are lies.  Chocolate and the monster have been prominent in the last few months.

I don’t know how long I am going to be in this slump. I do know that the number on the scale made me take notice.  It is a real number, one I can’t pretend isn’t an issue anymore by refusing to weigh myself. Avoidance is not a valid option when it comes to Diabetes.  I know that. I am having difficulties in other parts of my life, and something is holding me back from being the best version of myself.

Sometimes, you have to hit rock bottom before you can climb out of a slump and rise up to your next level.  Whatever I am going through in my personal life, I can’t eat it away.  I have to face it and deal with it. Head on.

That is not an easy thing to do. It is not an easy thing to think about, let alone to write about, to share with people. But it is going to help me break free and move forward.

Change is hard. I have been pushing my limits with my writing and my blog while keeping a day job and running on coffee.  I have been out of the multivitamins for a few months, now, and I plan to buy some again asap. They do help.

I got the doctor to change one of my prescriptions.  One of the side effects of the other medication was drowsiness, and I was having a hard time with it.  I know that I am a night owl, but I used to be OK with keeping up with my current schedule. I am starting to not do as well as before.

Maybe that was me tapping into the mystical energy people talk about having when they lose weight.  I have gone in the wrong direction on the scale, again, and that is definitely a factor. Being heavier means it is harder to do everything because you weigh more. It doesn’t mean I am going to stop and give up.

I need to do some soul searching, and find a reason to get things back on track.  I know I felt better, had more energy, and was happier.  But if things are not Ok on the inside, and I am spending some of the precious energy I do have in keeping up the appearance of being happy for the world to see, then I need to get to the root of the problem, so I can find a solution.

It isn’t easy, but it is necessary to propel me into my next level. The fear of wondering how bad my weight has become is not holding anything over my head anymore. I know what it is, and I know how it happened.  Now I have to find out why, so I can take the next step to working on my goals.  I have to keep telling myself that I am worth the effort, that I matter, and that it is important to make my health a priority.  It won’t be easy, but nothing worth doing ever is.  Time to deep dive into my issues and make some changes.

#TrustYourGut

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 35

trust-your-gut

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Homepage for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 35

Another week, another story.  Here I sit, planning a million and one things in my life all at once.  I have chicken breasts cooking with greek dressing as a marinade.  I have 3lb of ground beef to cook.  2lb for spaghetti sauce, and 1lb for Big Mac Salad.  I will use my spaghetti squash and zucchini when I eat my spaghetti.  Roy will have pasta.  He isn’t following the plan with me, but I must get myself back on track.  So I am planning meals again.

I am not making it to Zumba as much as I would like to be able to.  Transportation is my biggest issue causing me to miss it.  And a stomach bug this week did NOT help.  I am feeling better tonight and starting to look forward.  The weekend is busy, and having food prepped will help me be ready.

Big Mac Salad is something I love to make and eat.

It is really an easy recipe and can be found all over Pinterest.  I cook the ground beef, then add onion soup mix.  I use iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, cheddar, thousand island dressing, dill pickle relish, and to give it the BigMac without the bun garnish, I sprinkle sesame seeds on top.  When you want a BigMac, and you are trying to eat healthier, this is a great way to do it.

The idea is not mine, and like I said, there are many versions online, including the THM Trim Mac Salad which is found in the THM cookbook.  There are recipes that are completely from scratch for the dressing, but I prefer to just use the Kraft Thousand Island dressing.  It does the job.  They even have BigMac sauce for sale now in grocery stores now, if you are a hardcore BigMac fan.

The other thing I like to have made for the burger cravings is Cheeseburger pie.  That is a THM recipe that I make frequently.

You can find a recipe for Cheeseburger Pie at this link: Cheeseburger Pie Recipe

I am not the creator of either recipe, but I can recommend them both as delicious. I like to add tomatoes and dill pickles after it is cooked.  The recipe link shows it being served over lettuce.  I have yet to try it like that. ( I usually eat it straight up.) I also add ketchup and mustard. One time I made my own THM ketchup.  I would like to make it again sometime.  I am working on finding time to cook again, as I am not happy with the way things are now.

I will make cheeseburger pie another night, as I am going to do what I have to do and compromise.  So I am making spaghetti sauce and going to have it on my vegetables.  I am going to keep moving forward on my plan because I need to get going in the right direction again.

If you try the recipes, let me know what you think!

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 33

trust-your-gut

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Homepage for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 33

Insulation.  Fat. I have it in abundance.  Someone might think that it would result in me being warm all of the time.  That is not true.

Circulation.  Normally, if you have normal circulation, all that warm lovely blood pumping in abundance in your veins keeps you from being cold.

Diabetes.  The chronic condition that I live with every day.  Making it difficult to do a lot of normal things, like staying warm.

What do I do to combat being cold?  Layers.  Yeah, that’s what the morbidly obese person needs to do to keep warm.  Put on layers.  Make yourself appear larger than you actually are.  Brilliant.

A friend told me that I should try wearing a scarf, especially when I started cutting my hair short.  I have one I wear a lot. It is the first scarf that I knit for myself.  It does help.

If I get up and move around, it helps.  Can’t do that at work.  So I layer up.  I do stand up from time to time and get breaks.  But sitting still for seven hours a day in a generally cold office means I have to take my own comfort control.

I have been cleaning.  I unburied the bathroom scale, and am scared to step on it.  I fear the worst.  It is taking me away from the computer and writing, a bit.  It is also a form of “I am not sitting down I am up and moving around so it counts as exercise.

I went back to Zumba.  I got 4800 steps last night.  That is good.

It has been a long two weeks, and I am up too late again, this time with very little inspiration.  So, I will keep on working on me, my house and my writing.

I think I have hit a metaphorical wall.  There is only one thing left to do.  Get back up and try again tomorrow.

Trust Your Gut.