Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 38

trust-your-gut

I had a health scare this week. I was at work when my chest felt tight like I couldn’t breathe in a deep breath. I have been experiencing ringing in my ears and realized it is affecting my sleep. I had a lot of indigestion. I was worried.  I have read that the symptoms for women that have heart attacks are not as easy to tell as they are with men. I have some of the risk factors, including my weight, and diabetes. So when I was trying to ascertain what was happening in my body, I thought maybe I should go get checked out.

When I got to the hospital, I spent a fair bit of time talking to the triage nurse. She asked a lot of questions, and someone else took my temperature and blood pressure. I had no fever, and although my blood pressure was high, I was quite admittedly, freaking out.

I am not the most active person in the world, but I enjoy Zumba, and sometimes, when I want to, I can run short distances. If I’ve gotta go bad enough, I will run to the washroom, for example.  I can walk fast when crossing the street if there is a car waiting for me to cross it. I can push my speed limits, and I have the capability to do more than I actually do sometimes.

I do go to Zumba, as often as I can. Last night I missed class. I was at the hospital. I hated missing class, but by the time I left work early, I needed to follow through and make sure that I was going to be OK.

I didn’t have pain, but my chest was feeling really tight. It was hard to take in a deep breath. I had a lot of gas, and that was making it worse. I decided to take a walk outside to see if I could make myself feel better.

It didn’t help, and at that point, I was really starting to panic. I was upset. My supervisor and another supervisor talked to me for a few minutes, and I called Roy to come and get me. He was home, it happened to be his day off. I made him take me to the hospital. He waited with me, even though it drove him a little crazy to lose all of that time there.

Six hours later, they had run an ECG and taken bloodwork and cleared me from having any issues with my heart. I can still have faith that my heart is strong, and it wasn’t the issue yesterday.  I didn’t get an official diagnosis, but I am fairly certain that it was an anxiety attack, also known as a panic attack. As it came with a new symptom this time, I didn’t want to take any chances.

After the doctor ran the bloodwork, he came back and asked me about another incident in 2013. I was confused and said I didn’t remember that, and he was confused because they had run a 24 hour test on me at that time. When we questioned him, he looked again. He explained a few minutes later that another paper was mixed in my papers, and everything was normal. Talk about a mix-up. Doctors are human too, and there had been two traumas arrive while I was waiting to be seen. As long as he corrected the mistake, and apologized, that was fine by me. It also meant I was not losing my mind.

Living my life as someone that is classified as morbidly obese does come with its own challenges. I can’t do everything I want to do sometimes. I have to pace myself and fight to catch my breath when I do push too hard. I have to learn to say no a little more often, and I don’t like that word, no. I need to take more time to rest so that I don’t have panic attacks. I need to work on me a little harder. I am trying, really hard on that one.

The doctor said that it was good for me to get checked out. I had actually seen him when I had the knee infection two years ago. I don’t think he remembered me, but I remembered his name. He did tell me that they don’t want people to be there for every little concern, of course, but that if I had a genuine concern about my heart, they would rather see me go get it checked then have me found after something bad happened, and it is too late. I felt a little silly waiting there all that time but relieved that all the tests came back normal.

Having panic attacks are becoming more common in my life, and I plan to talk to my new doctor about it next month. It may be why my ears are ringing so much. I really need that to calm down. Knowing that what I felt may just be another symptom of a panic attack, will help me do what I have done to deal with them so far. I usually calm myself down, but I have to know what is going on before I can do that. Yesterday had a curveball.

I was trying to figure out how to explain panic attacks to people that don’t get them. I am not an expert, nor do I know if what works for me would work for other people. I was thinking before I started writing, that for me it is like treading water.  I love swimming, and treading water is a good skill to have. I can tread water for a good amount of time and I don’t mind doing that. However, it is harder to do if you are only using your legs. For me, if I am only using my legs, and then I lift my arms up over my head, I go under the water. So I metaphorically had my arms up over my head yesterday, and I had to stop and reassess.

I stayed home today to rest and recover from yesterday’s ordeal. I needed the downtime, and I hope it will help me cope better with work tomorrow, and next week. I postponed an event I am hosting here for a week later, to give me more time to be ready. I have been told in the past that I am too hard on myself. Maybe I am. But I don’t know any other way to be. So I am going to keep treading water and keep working on me. I am glad I did go to the hospital, if for no other reason than to know what was ruled out after the testing was done. Now I have to figure out a better way to deal with my stress and anxiety so I can carry on and do what I was meant to do with my time here. I don’t have any plans of giving up anytime soon.

#TrustYourGut

 

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Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 36

trust-your-gut

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Homepage for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 36

Well, I have good news, and bad news this week.  I went to the Doctor. Not because I was sick, but rather because it was time for a checkup.  I met my new doctor. Finally.  If first impressions are worth anything, I knew in the first minute I found myself a good one.  She seemed meticulous and genuinely wanted to get an idea for my plans in relation to my overall health before my checkup.  I needed to find a doctor that I could trust, again. My last doctor was good, but I think this one is going to be great.

The bad news is that I got weighed.  I am not at the all-time high from before, but I certainly am not in as good a shape as I have been in the past.  I am not following the plan, and I am visibly showing that to the world.

What is wrong with me? Why do I eat things that are bad for me? Why can’t I just lose weight and eat whatever I want to eat, like skinny people do?

I have health issues.  I have reasons, and I know that realistically, it didn’t add up overnight, so it will not be removed overnight, either.  I know in my mind that junk food is bad for me, and healthy food can taste good. But sometimes I pick the lazy way. Other times I self-sabotage. There are times when I just make up excuses and choose to believe them, even though I know they are lies.  Chocolate and the monster have been prominent in the last few months.

I don’t know how long I am going to be in this slump. I do know that the number on the scale made me take notice.  It is a real number, one I can’t pretend isn’t an issue anymore by refusing to weigh myself. Avoidance is not a valid option when it comes to Diabetes.  I know that. I am having difficulties in other parts of my life, and something is holding me back from being the best version of myself.

Sometimes, you have to hit rock bottom before you can climb out of a slump and rise up to your next level.  Whatever I am going through in my personal life, I can’t eat it away.  I have to face it and deal with it. Head on.

That is not an easy thing to do. It is not an easy thing to think about, let alone to write about, to share with people. But it is going to help me break free and move forward.

Change is hard. I have been pushing my limits with my writing and my blog while keeping a day job and running on coffee.  I have been out of the multivitamins for a few months, now, and I plan to buy some again asap. They do help.

I got the doctor to change one of my prescriptions.  One of the side effects of the other medication was drowsiness, and I was having a hard time with it.  I know that I am a night owl, but I used to be OK with keeping up with my current schedule. I am starting to not do as well as before.

Maybe that was me tapping into the mystical energy people talk about having when they lose weight.  I have gone in the wrong direction on the scale, again, and that is definitely a factor. Being heavier means it is harder to do everything because you weigh more. It doesn’t mean I am going to stop and give up.

I need to do some soul searching, and find a reason to get things back on track.  I know I felt better, had more energy, and was happier.  But if things are not Ok on the inside, and I am spending some of the precious energy I do have in keeping up the appearance of being happy for the world to see, then I need to get to the root of the problem, so I can find a solution.

It isn’t easy, but it is necessary to propel me into my next level. The fear of wondering how bad my weight has become is not holding anything over my head anymore. I know what it is, and I know how it happened.  Now I have to find out why, so I can take the next step to working on my goals.  I have to keep telling myself that I am worth the effort, that I matter, and that it is important to make my health a priority.  It won’t be easy, but nothing worth doing ever is.  Time to deep dive into my issues and make some changes.

#TrustYourGut

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 35

trust-your-gut

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Homepage for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 35

Another week, another story.  Here I sit, planning a million and one things in my life all at once.  I have chicken breasts cooking with greek dressing as a marinade.  I have 3lb of ground beef to cook.  2lb for spaghetti sauce, and 1lb for Big Mac Salad.  I will use my spaghetti squash and zucchini when I eat my spaghetti.  Roy will have pasta.  He isn’t following the plan with me, but I must get myself back on track.  So I am planning meals again.

I am not making it to Zumba as much as I would like to be able to.  Transportation is my biggest issue causing me to miss it.  And a stomach bug this week did NOT help.  I am feeling better tonight and starting to look forward.  The weekend is busy, and having food prepped will help me be ready.

Big Mac Salad is something I love to make and eat.

It is really an easy recipe and can be found all over Pinterest.  I cook the ground beef, then add onion soup mix.  I use iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, cheddar, thousand island dressing, dill pickle relish, and to give it the BigMac without the bun garnish, I sprinkle sesame seeds on top.  When you want a BigMac, and you are trying to eat healthier, this is a great way to do it.

The idea is not mine, and like I said, there are many versions online, including the THM Trim Mac Salad which is found in the THM cookbook.  There are recipes that are completely from scratch for the dressing, but I prefer to just use the Kraft Thousand Island dressing.  It does the job.  They even have BigMac sauce for sale now in grocery stores now, if you are a hardcore BigMac fan.

The other thing I like to have made for the burger cravings is Cheeseburger pie.  That is a THM recipe that I make frequently.

You can find a recipe for Cheeseburger Pie at this link: Cheeseburger Pie Recipe

I am not the creator of either recipe, but I can recommend them both as delicious. I like to add tomatoes and dill pickles after it is cooked.  The recipe link shows it being served over lettuce.  I have yet to try it like that. ( I usually eat it straight up.) I also add ketchup and mustard. One time I made my own THM ketchup.  I would like to make it again sometime.  I am working on finding time to cook again, as I am not happy with the way things are now.

I will make cheeseburger pie another night, as I am going to do what I have to do and compromise.  So I am making spaghetti sauce and going to have it on my vegetables.  I am going to keep moving forward on my plan because I need to get going in the right direction again.

If you try the recipes, let me know what you think!

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 33

trust-your-gut

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Homepage for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 33

Insulation.  Fat. I have it in abundance.  Someone might think that it would result in me being warm all of the time.  That is not true.

Circulation.  Normally, if you have normal circulation, all that warm lovely blood pumping in abundance in your veins keeps you from being cold.

Diabetes.  The chronic condition that I live with every day.  Making it difficult to do a lot of normal things, like staying warm.

What do I do to combat being cold?  Layers.  Yeah, that’s what the morbidly obese person needs to do to keep warm.  Put on layers.  Make yourself appear larger than you actually are.  Brilliant.

A friend told me that I should try wearing a scarf, especially when I started cutting my hair short.  I have one I wear a lot. It is the first scarf that I knit for myself.  It does help.

If I get up and move around, it helps.  Can’t do that at work.  So I layer up.  I do stand up from time to time and get breaks.  But sitting still for seven hours a day in a generally cold office means I have to take my own comfort control.

I have been cleaning.  I unburied the bathroom scale, and am scared to step on it.  I fear the worst.  It is taking me away from the computer and writing, a bit.  It is also a form of “I am not sitting down I am up and moving around so it counts as exercise.

I went back to Zumba.  I got 4800 steps last night.  That is good.

It has been a long two weeks, and I am up too late again, this time with very little inspiration.  So, I will keep on working on me, my house and my writing.

I think I have hit a metaphorical wall.  There is only one thing left to do.  Get back up and try again tomorrow.

Trust Your Gut.

 

 

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 32

trust-your-gut

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Homepage for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 32

There is an elephant in the room.  For once, there is something bigger than me sitting in here.  On my shoulders, actually.  You can’t see it, but I know it is there.  I call it, “The Overwhelm Elephant.”  It is something that is referred to in terms of this big dark thing that just weighs you down and won’t let you accomplish things.  I have good days and bad days.  Let’s start with the bad ones.

There are days when nothing goes right.  I work, I fight I push and I don’t get anywhere.  Those days are not the days I am referring to.  The Overwhelm Elephant, as I am going to call it, stops all of it.  Even when I am capable of doing things, I just don’t.  I sit and I stew and I waste time and I get nothing accomplished.  The weight on my shoulders is not where it stops.

It puts pressure on my mind.  I used to get pinpoint headaches.  Just a little stabby pain for a minute or less, and then it would be gone. I now think maybe it was the elephant tusk poking at me.  The beginnings of what I feel at its worst.  The pinpoint headaches are not common anymore.  I have different headaches now.

Migraines are not fun.  I get auras, sometimes that is all that happens.  Those are called painless migraines.  When the tension and pressure climb up my shoulders to my neck and scalp, then I feel the start of a tension headache.  Sometimes it feels like spiders are running on spiderwebs all over my scalp.  Tingly, not necessarily painful.  Other times the elephant needs to hang on because it is going to be a rough one.  Those headaches are when the elephant’s trunk is tightening on the circumference of my scalp.  Those can last for days. When there is a throbbing pain involved, that is the worst kind of migraine.  Mine are atypical, and sometimes not as frequent as they used to be, which is a blessing.

The days when there is no reason at all to not be productive at all can be the worst.  It is a head game, with The Overwhelm Elephant.  She is reminding me of every little thing I have to do to be perfect at my health, my housekeeping, my job, and my life.  She doesn’t forget because she has the memory of an elephant.  It is hard to shake that feeling when it sets in.  I have written about it before, but not in reference to an elephant.  For me, it seems to be fitting.

Now for the good days.  I have days when I accomplish things.  I work hard, and I see results.  These are the kinds of days I wish I could have every day.  When I am prep cooking for my health, exercising to relieve stress, writing to pursue my passion, and getting things done while crossing them off my list.  I am a list driven person, and I need to cross things off the list to feel like I am making progress.  There are days I get a lot done, and there are days when I can’t even bring myself to write out the list.  When things seem like they are too big or too many to get finished, it sometimes stops me in my tracks.  On the good days, though, I can shout it from the rooftops, and I want everyone to know what I feel like on a good day.

When I was imagining The Overwhelm Elephant, I went searching for a picture of an elephant to put at the end of my story.  Imagine my surprise when I found one that reminded me of a distant childhood memory, of a road trip with my family.  We were visiting friends of the family, and they took me to an event without my sisters, one thing I got to do as the older sister that I still have a keepsake from.  They made me a ceramic piggy bank to take home, and it has a broken ear, now, but I still keep it with me.  It is sitting, not standing, and it has my name in amongst the polka dots.  Yes, it is a polka dot elephant piggy bank.  And it looks a lot like this:

Pink Polka Dot Elephant

I have had to embrace my emotions and feelings on my journey to becoming a healthier version of myself.  When I start feeling The Overwhelm Elephant taking over next time, I am going to go and pick up my polka dot piggy bank elephant and smile.  Because it will be smiling right back at me.

Trust Your Gut.

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 31

trust-your-gut

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Homepage for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 31

Another week has come and gone.  Thursday was yesterday.  I am a little sorry that I am writing late this week, but my heart wasn’t in it yesterday, and I want to keep it real and honest with you all. I have suffered a loss nine days ago that has affected me more than I expected in some ways, and just as much as I thought it would in others.  This loss was neither on a scale nor of inches.

There are two certainties in life.  You are born, and you die.  A dear friend of mine lost her battle with cancer nine days ago.  I plan to speak at her Celebration of Life Ceremony tomorrow.  While I was writing what I wanted to say and organizing my thoughts for that, I realized that it was more important for me to focus my attention on it when I decided to do it.  I got a friend to give it a read through in an editorial sense, but because I drafted and edited it myself, she thought that it was a great piece of writing.  So I am sorry if I let anyone down that is following my journey in this category, but all is not lost.  I am here today, and I feel like writing.  If the family is OK with me sharing my story after I read it tomorrow, you can expect to read a different kind of Weekend Warrior story later on this weekend.

So what brought me around, other than the guilt of missing my self-imposed deadline for the weekly story?  I was watching another video along the lines of Branding, and learning more about how to be effective at it.  Wait, what?  How does this relate to a struggle with weight issues?

The guest speaker was talking about taking what makes you mad, and writing about it.  Not an infuriating anger filled frustrated rant, but to use common sense thought processes and provide a solution.  This is the basis of what I want to do here.  I am mad that I am the way I am, physically, and health-wise.  I write about what I need to do, and I learn new recipes and ways to improve my health and change what I am using for fuel in my body to have a positive outcome.  I can write about it, I can think about it, I can talk about it, but the bottom line is, only I can care enough about myself to actually DO something about it.

I seem to be at opposing sides with my food choices.  I will eat a really healthy meal, and then go WAY off track and have junk food or fast food.  Willpower is certainly lacking in my life these days.  I am struggling with some old monsters.  They are ganging up on my inner light and causing me strife.

The feeling that I am never going to be good enough is a main contributing factor in why I weigh over 300 lbs.  I get it from many sources in my life.  My childhood was not bad, not at all, but sometimes the messages were not presented in a way to make me flourish.  I don’t believe people when they compliment me right away.  I need to hear things that are positive about a million times before I believe them, and then I get upset.  I just don’t know how to accept compliments.  I am working on this and getting better about thanking people when they say nice things.  For me, this is a real struggle.

Work is another area where this arises.  Workplace Bullying is wrong, no matter how subtle it is, or who the bully is.  I am not singling out my current employers, let’s be clear about that.  But when I see or experience it, it makes me feel like I am not good enough.  I struggle with that internally, and it is not always somebody else’s fault.  Sometimes I can be too sensitive.  I am learning to stand up for myself, and this is not easy for me to do, either.  As I learn, I have to make mistakes.  Picking battles is a trickier thing than you think it is.  If I was to cry out about every little thing that happened in my life, people would stop listening, stop reading, and stop caring.  Then I would be alone and back to doubting myself.

Sometimes the monsters are on the outside.   That is something that makes me angry.  People that abuse power are the worst kind of bullies, and I come from a long history of being a victim.  I struggle every day to be a good person.  It tears me up inside when that is perceived to be not good enough.  At this point, I can react in two different ways.  I can hide, and cry until I have no more tears.  Or I can speak out.  I am doing more talking, and it does not always go as well as I plan it in my head.  Some things are not OK, and some things need to be confronted.  When things backfire, I do hide for a bit, until I deal with my feelings of being hurt.  Sometimes I can be overzealous in my attempts to stand up for myself.  In these cases, I do get upset, but these days I stand to face the music, instead of turning tail and running.

Still not sure how I am planning to tie this all together?  Well, the ugly monsters inside are the worst ones of all.  The inner bully that kicks you when you are down and sucker punches you when you weren’t looking is pure evil.  We all have the negative self-talk, the hard feelings about one thing or another that we let win.  I have been doing a little too much of that this month.  I am letting the monster win, and that is not going to end well.  I have two choices.  I can do nothing, or I can do something about it.  I think it is time to take action and kick some monster butts.  I feel the inner glow getting a little brighter as I wrote that.  I needed to get it out.  So I am going to take my common sense and use it to change what makes me angry.  For this category, that means I am going to start making better choices and be the change I want to see in myself.  One thing at a time, one choice at a time, one story at a time.

Trust Your Gut.

 

 

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 30

trust-your-gut

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Homepage for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 30

I am happy to say that I am doing better.  Not 100% organized or on the plan, but better.  I did get in 2 Zumba classes last week.  Due to things happening in my life that I have to deal with and work through, I was not at Zumba this week.  The good news is that I will be going back.  No worries there, I have to keep going.  I need the outlet, and it is good to get the workouts fit into my week.

It is hard to climb and claw my way back out of a slump.  Sometimes life has other plans.  The good news is that I am cooking again.  Cooking means less junk food.  That is a great thing.  The easy way out is not always better, in fact, it is usually the wrong way.  I attack a lot of my own problems from the wrong side, not the easy way first.  I just use my stubbornness to my advantage and push my way through whatever is going on.

I have said prep cooking and planning are key points for my success.  I have said that I need to stop making excuses.  I have actually made progress with both of those tasks.  However, I am still not ready to commit to being on THM 100%.  Why?  There are two reasons.  One is that it is a lot of work.  I have to plan and cook.  It would be great if my husband was following the plan with me, but he is not.  There are just some things he refuses to eat.  So that is one of my lingering excuses. The other is a fear of success.  The success itself would be wonderful.  But then

The other is fear.  Fear of success.  The success itself would be wonderful.  But then what?  After I find my way to being healthier, and the need for the push is over, then I would have other, new issues.  I may need plastic surgery for excess skin.  I may give in a little more until I find that I am putting the weight back on.  I may lose my gumption halfway and fall off the wagon and revert to my old ways.

Let’s face it, I didn’t become morbidly obese overnight.  I didn’t choose this path for myself.  I choose what to eat and drink.  I choose to not exercise and do things that I find more fun.  I choose to listen to the monster that wants junk food instead of the beautiful inner spark that longs for freedom, and the power to defeat that monster.  So what is it going to take?

I already know.  I have to want it bad enough to do the work.  I have to want it bad enough to plan it out.  I have to want it enough to have to go shopping for a new wardrobe. Hmm…I may be on to something with that last one.

The biggest reason for anyone facing weight issues is themselves.  You have to pick a path, follow it, and commit to seeing it through.  Here is the kicker.  At least for me, it is.  You have to believe in yourself.  You have to believe that you are worth the effort, and that you are going to stick to it, and that you are going to come out OK on the other side of changing your entire life.  You simply have to do it, succeed at it, and change your life for the better.  Shut that monster up with salad.  Don’t forget to drown it with water, and feed the inner beauty healthy morsels of amazing food choices.  Take her out for a walk.  She needs to get fresh air and exercise to thrive.  A little sunshine is always a nice treat.

She is worth the effort, and so are you.

Trust Your Gut.

 

Weekend Warrior #30

weekend-warrior

Weekend Warrior

It is quiet here this morning.  I had my chance to sleep in yesterday, so I am up and online early today.  This weekend had promised to be a busy one, but in reality, that is not what happened.

Today will have to be busy to catch up.  I am a little down this weekend.  I have a friend that is in the hospital.  If you want to send me a personal comment about this, I would prefer if it was private.  I do not want a flood of messages on my feed because I do not want to do that publicly. You can send me an e-mail, my contact page works well.

Saturday was another socially busy day, around what is going on.  I was online a fair bit yesterday and this morning.  I am in the overthinking stage for the website building.  I am stuck in that, but it will progress when I am ready.  I created a graphic for welcoming people to Tish’s Treasure Seekers Facebook Group.  I had fun with it.  Then after a short visit at the hospital, my husband and I took in a movie. Valerian was OK.  I think they missed the memo on casting the actors, and Avatar the movie already had blue-skinned aliens that were living in harmony with nature.  The actors seemed too young for the roles and dialogue.  Not to say they are bad actors, but it kind of felt like I was watching the next Spy Kids movie with teens.  It just didn’t feel right.

After this, I tried to find a way to hear Colin James at Harvest Jazz and Blues in downtown Fredericton.  My husband wanted to go home to avoid traffic.  I may have pitched a small fit in the car.  We went for an hour.  I did not hear Colin James, I missed him.  Again.  This is the third time I have tried to see him in concert.  I have made a vow that the next time I am going to buy tickets.  Here’s hoping he comes back again.  I enjoyed some mini doughnuts with Roy as we wandered.  We met up with some friends, and that was a nice surprise.

Today I am going to fit in 2 visits with friends, as I have to touch base with another friend today before we go on a road trip next weekend.  I am helping her at a Craft Show in Nova Scotia.  I will fill you all in on that when it is over.  It may be Monday next week before I share that story.  If I am missing for a few days over the next month, know that I am OK, and with friends.  Make sure you take the time to let your friends know how much they mean to you while you are together.  You just never know when it will be too late.

 

 

Trust Your Gut: Carla’s Story

trust-your-gut

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Home page for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share Carla’s Story, written in her own words.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Carla’s Story

Discover Why the Bulge is Harder to Battle for Women Over 50

Have you ever looked in the mirror and quickly looked away in disgust? Don’t feel bad, I know just how you feel; I’ve done that more times than I can count … my entire life. Why is it that women over 50 have this ongoing bulge to battle, especially between our armpits and our thighs?

It would take a book to share my entire story; but, it has been a journey, one that I’m still on. You can read about one of my “diets” and the yo-yo effect it had on my belly fat here. Have you ever noticed that when we set our minds to lose weight we do it? But, what happens when we “transition” back to real life and the diet is finished? If you are like me you gradually put back on the weight you lost plus 25 – 50 pounds. Gosh, what a struggle, right?

After many years of trying this diet and that one; losing and gaining weight I gave up. I resigned myself to be the squishy grandma as one of my grandsons called me. Hey, what’s wrong with being squishy, there’s more to love and love is what it is all about, right? We can play all the games in our heads that we want to; but, the bottom line is this – we want our youthful body back. Secretly we want our spouse to look at us and see and feel the firm muscles our bodies were meant to be. Today, hubby looks at me and we laugh at the mature figure we each have. Are we really laughing or secretly crying for something better?

Over the past ten years, age has entered the race for the fat factor. I’m finding bulges everywhere and some places you wouldn’t expect! We’ve had many changes in our lives, too. Stress, business, and life have a way of taking the bulge to a whole new battle and to a whole new level. So, January 2017 I decided it was time to stop the battle and wage war on my fat and these hideous bulges. I threw the word diet out of my vocabulary. I measured every inch of my body, where I couldn’t reach I had the hubby measure. I weighed for the sake of a starting number and put it in my journal. Then, I started sipping my way slim. I’m starting my final journey to battle the bulge after 50 and taking along those who want to do the same. They say there is power in numbers, I believe it. Together we can do anything we can conceive.

You can wish me success or join me on the journey, your choice. I’ll be posting my results, my accomplishments, and failures on my blog. I’m not sure anyone else can relate to a grandma, a woman over 50 who has failed in the weight loss arena her entire life or not. All I know is I will win this battle of the bulge and help others to do the same come h-e-double toothpicks or high water!

 

Carla with her youngest grandson

Me (Carla) at my heaviest (not a proud moment) in 2009 with youngest grandson in Hawaii at the time of photo 5′ 4″ 235#s.

fiery-grandma-signature2a

Carla, thanks so much for accepting my invitation to be a guest blogger here.  If Carla’s story resonates with you, or if you would just like to connect with her to learn more, you can check out her Facebook page Coffee with Carla and just pop over to say hi when you are having your coffee some day.  I have had the chance to meet her in the process of setting this story up, and she is a wonderful person, who is easy to chat with.  I wish her success in her journey and am happy to share her story with you here.  I am certain if you take the time to learn more about her, she will be happy to share more of her story with you and join you on your own journey.  Two heads are better than one.

Trust Your Gut.

 

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 29

trust-your-gut

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Home page for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 29

I have not done what I set out to do in September.  I have not followed the plan, I have not kept detailed records, and I have not put any effort into what I needed to do this week at all.

The Monster is winning this week.  It is crushing the soul of my inner beauty. What am I going to do about it?

I have to refocus.  I have to make the efforts I need to make to have results.  I am not perfect, and although I was going to try my best, I fell short.  Like not even falling off the wagon, because I never climbed on it in the first place.

What am I NOT going to do about it?  Make excuses.

I am better than that.  I am better than the monster inside that convinced me it was a great idea to eat chips and Fudgsicles this week.  I am better than the monster that is telling me it is OK to eat whatever I want to because I am really hungry and don’t have time to wait for a healthier option to be ready to eat.  I am worth the effort of drowning out the monster with my inner beauty.  I need to let it shine, and help me find the way to becoming a healthier version of myself.

I need to have a plan, not just the THM plan, although that is a part of what I need to do, it needs to be a complete plan that encompasses everything I am working on and makes me want to work at this.  On me.  It is bigger than me just writing about it.  I need to DO it.  So this weekend, I am going to set aside a few hours to get this set up.

Part of the reason is that I am very skilled at making excuses.  I need to stop it.  Right now.  I am on such a roll with my writing that I do not want to stop.  I want to keep moving forward in all aspects of my life and live it to the fullest.  I will also avoid things and just do what I want to do instead of what I need to do if it is easier.  This is not a good way to do what I want to do, which is to lead by example.  I am not feeling the leader vibe this week.  I need to change things and make this happen.

Now. OK, on the weekend, as I am a tad bit busy with the writing and the entrepreneurial dreams and projects I am working on to change my whole life for the better.  The problem with letting the monster win is that I am leaving out a very important aspect of this dream, and that is me.  I need to rank myself higher on the list of things to be taken care of, so the inner beauty has the chance to glow and outshine the monster forever.

I am making a commitment here to have this ready to go for Monday.  I am going to hold myself accountable for taking the steps to make things happen.  Only I can make the necessary plans and changes to have this work.  It is time to take action and stop listening to the monster that keeps me from being the healthiest version of myself.  It is time to open the cage that traps my inner beauty so far inside me that I cannot find it anymore.  I need to let it out and nurture it until it is as bright as the sun.  I need to keep telling myself that I am worth it until I believe it.  Louder than the monster.  Brighter than the stars in the sky.  Over and over again, until I really get it.  And then you will see that I am doing this in front of all who witness it, and I will be accomplishing the dream of leading by example, by working hard to achieve my personal and professional goals.  Other things are starting to fall into place.  This is just the next thing I am on the verge of succeeding at.  Time to shine.

If you are following this series, and like what you read, thank you.  If you have your own story to share, please contact me.  I have accepted other people’s stories in this category and would love to have more stories than my own to share here.  I don’t want to bore everyone with my stories EVERY week, so if this is something YOU want to do, reach out to me.  There is a contact page for that very reason.  I am also willing to work with people to write a story based on an informal interview or having some discussions about their issues, to help other people deal with their own issues, and helping people understand what it is really like to have issues on EITHER END of the scale.  I would be happy to share your experiences, issues, successes, and tips here in the future.  Stop thinking about it.  Stop making excuses.  Let’s work together to change ourselves and the lives we live.  Our inner beauties deserve to be free and thriving.  We are worth every bit of the effort.  Let’s drop-kick those monsters to the curb. Together.  If I can do this, so can you.

Trust Your Gut.