Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 22

trust-your-gut

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Home page for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 22

Well, folks, it has been a fantastic day!  I didn’t start off too well, I started the day with a sugar low.  I didn’t let that stop me, not for too long. I ate my banana in the car and had a juice box when I got to work.  My sugars, of course, went up from there.  As usual, I chased the banana with a black coffee.  That’s how my days start.  I don’t usually have the juice box, and I don’t usually have the low at that time of day.  So what is going on?

I have worked hard this week to find my way back to working on me.  I have had to make some decisions and some changes.  I have started cooking meals that are on plan this week, and I am letting myself enjoy what I make.  That is how Trim Healthy Mama is supposed to work.  I’m not an expert, and I stray a little here and there, but I am getting my groove back, and the scale is responding the right way.

I am also happy to say that I am sitting here melting in my living room.  It is said to be the warmest day of the week, and it is more than warm.  I am not just warm because of the temperature in here, but also because I have made it to Zumba twice this week.  So when I write that I am melting, it is literal.  I worked out in this heat, hydrated, and now I am relaxing in my little almost sauna.  It sounds better than it is, but I am not here to complain.

I am here to try and help people.  I have been lacking in that department, lately, because I was not trying very hard myself.  I have had enough of that noise!  I am back and working hard to make more progress than before!  I am seeing it, and when I see it, I know it is real.  I am cooking.  I am planning.  I am working with recipes that I really love because that is what keeps me going back to this plan.

My sugars are coming back around.  That is one of the most important things I can do for my health, is to monitor my sugars, and eat so that they stabilize.  I am working on that, and THM is the way for me to do that.  When I add in exercise, it is a remarkable difference in how I feel, and how I attack every day.  Planning is so important for me when it comes to food.  I have worked hard this week to make food that is on plan so I can start winning this thing called life we all play at here.

I am breaking away from the bad habits again.  Only I can do that, I have to believe that I am worth the effort.  Now that I am back in my routine, and back from vacation, it was time to start working on things that help me feel better, and live life better.

After my on plan supper, I was wanting a little something extra.  I tried the new Good Thins Beet crackers.  They are OK, but I saw the ingredients and decided to not eat too many.  I was debating making an on plan shake or smoothie when my husband showed up.  He had picked up his own supper, and cinnamon rolls.  But the best thing he brought home was a bag full of fresh cherries.  I indulged in a bowl full of cherries.  Because let’s face it, life really is based a lot on your perspective, and in what you make of it.  I am making the most of things tonight, and having the bowl of cherries, because who wants to choke on the pits?  Not me.  I’m back, and I am feeling great!

 

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Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 20

trust-your-gut

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Home page for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 20

Vacation.  It is that time of year when people are travelling, and going to celebrations with friends and family.  Vacation time can be a tricky thing on days when you aren’t in control of the food and drink that you may consume.  This can pose a difficult problem if you are committed to your plan and goals.

You want to be invited to all of the events.  You want to participate in the fun.  For me, fun includes eating and drinking the same things as everyone else.  So it is a tricky tightrope to walk on when you are trying to fit in, even though it may not be the best way for you to stay the course.

I have to constantly check my blood sugars.  That is helpful.   I can adjust the insulin I have to take to adapt for what I am eating.  But as I have written before, sometimes that dosage is a guessing game, at best.

I experienced a low last week.  It was a bad one.  Maybe more because it caught me by surprise, and also because of how long it has been since the last time I had a low.  It isn’t a simple fix, it takes time for my body to recover from a blood sugar low.  This time it took me two and a half hours to feel normal again.

Highs are no better.  I feel really tired, to the extreme of me not being able to physically stay awake.  There are times that I am literally fighting with myself to stay awake.  It is not because I am needing sleep, this too is a side effect of the high sugars, and it is a little hard to explain.  The closest I can come is that it is not something that you can control, only fight it.  I am usually aware of what is happening at the time it is happening to try and recover.  But it is not an easy thing to do.

When you have to think about the effects of everything that you eat and drink, it makes it hard to fit in at gatherings.  A lot of them have sweets and cake and even alcoholic beverages are a source of empty calories.  So what is a person to do when faced with all of these temptations?

Think about the occasion.  What would be acceptable to participate in?  What choices can you make?  Skip the cake or the ice cream?  Or eat salads earlier in the day so you can indulge a little at the celebration?

After all, only you control what you eat or drink.  It is up to you. It doesn’t matter to anyone else whether or not you eat that cake or not.  It really only matters to you.  When you are planning a vacation, keep in mind that sometimes you will have complete control over what you eat and drink, and sometimes you will have to go with the flow.  The trick is proper planning and to not go overboard when you do participate in celebrations.  Remember to drink your water too, it can help speed up the recovery time of eating or drinking off plan.  Really, it is all about balance, both on and off the scale.

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 19

trust-your-gut

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Home page for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 19

I got on the scale this morning.  The number wasn’t as bad as I was worried it would be, but it is still not in twoville.  I knew I would not see good news, but as I expected, there were no surprises there.  I know by how I feel what is happening, without getting on the scale every day.  It had been a while, and I needed a reference.

I am having trouble in my kitchen this week.  There has been an invasion of ants.  I have declared war, and I think we are winning.  It is a slow progress kind of war, and it has distracted me from my personal tasks and goals.

I have not had an ant free day in my kitchen all week.  I am seeing less and less ants, and the ones I saw today seemed to be slower than those in the last few days, so I am tentatively hopeful that this means the war is almost over.  I have not wanted to make anything to eat in my kitchen all week, as a result of this.

My healthy lifestyle has become a casualty of war.  It could have gone in two different directions.  One being I stopped eating anything because I am so grossed out about the ants being in my kitchen.  This is not realistic.  I have to eat.  So I did it again.  I ate take out all week.  Let me tell you, I am not thrilled about this, but I felt like it was the only way I could eat because of the ants.

Is it a legitimate thing to do?  Yes.  Is it an excuse to eat out and go the easy route for the week? Yes.  Is it productive and conducive towards my personal goals for living a healthier lifestyle? No.  Is it a budget friendly option? No.  Is it a logical solution? Maybe.  I write that because when I haven’t been cooking, I have been hunting and cleaning up the countertop that the ants are crawling on.  That means all the hard work I did cleaning the whole winter, my coffee station, and the countertops all have to be emptied and wiped clean AGAIN.  For the millionth time this week.  Ugh.

I have made progress in other areas of my life in the last month.  I have been cleaning and purging stuff.  I have been writing about that in my Weekend Warrior Category.  I am preparing to write books, and have been practising on my blog, getting into the habit of writing.  I have done well with both of these projects, and I can let myself be proud of the progress I am making in those areas.  So why is it OK for me to let myself down in the most important part of my life, my health and well being?  It’s not.

I had a genuine blood sugar low today at work.  My sugars were at 3.9 when I tested, and I was in full panic mode when I did.  I can feel it happening in my body.  I start feeling a wave of uneasiness, and I start to panic.  When it is an actual blood sugar low, I get weak and shaky.  My head and scalp perspire profusely.  I mean buckets.  I get a little confused and have a really hard time focusing. I was in a meeting when I started to feel it happen, and I rushed out asap and tested while chewing up suckers and drinking a juice box.  I got some extra candy from some colleagues, and I overcompensated because I was panicked.  It took me about two to two and a half hours to recover from that episode.  I am much better this evening.

I know why it happened.  I went to Zumba last night, and it had been a few weeks since the last class.  I started to get my regular exercise routine back.  I took my normal amount of insulin this morning.  But my body was doing that thing it does when I am trying to watch what I am doing, and it became sensitive to the insulin again.  It is great that it works better sometimes, but it is not so great when I happen to have that in between adjustment period that causes me to have lows and have to lower my doses of insulin.  Which is also good, because it means that I am achieving better control over my blood sugars.  But what a roller coaster ride that can be!

It is hard to adjust to everything all at once.  I am a fighter, and I am still able to do what needs to be done.  Sometimes I need to remind myself that it is not OK to put my own health and wellness on the bottom of my list.  Because it needs to be as important as everything else I invest my time in.  I tell people all the time that I am tougher than I look.  I believe it.  But I also know that I am a human being and that I am not supposed to be perfect.  All I can do is get up every morning and do the best I can in all aspects of my life.  It is a work in progress, and progress is progress, so I will take it and run with it.  Until I can’t catch my breath.  And then I will keep moving in the right direction.  One step at a time.

 

 

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 17

trust-your-gut

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Home page for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 17

You know when you want to eat something, and you know what you should eat and you know what you want to eat and you get the easier thing because it is easier and you already are so hungry that you don’t want to spend the extra ten minutes making the better thing to eat because you are hungry right now?  I feel like that a lot.  This has been another week of grab the easy thing because I don’t have enough food prep cooked, even though I cooked a chicken in my slow cooker the night before last.

Tonight I will make something.  I am thinking about making THM Wicked White Chili.  I have made this once before, with a few small adjustments, and it was really great!  So if I can get it in a pot before I go to bed, and get it in some mason jars in the fridge so it is ready to grab in the morning for my lunch, I will be on my way to being back on track, with minimal effort.  That is something I can totally get up and do.

After supper.  I have an errand to run, and that means I leave the house.  One of the best tips I have for living on a budget is to not leave the house.  The second I do, I know I am going to spend money.  I have done a lot of that over the last 20 years.  It is finally starting to pay off and add up.  Yes, I still have a budget, and yes, I am still working on it, but we have a little more breathing room at the moment.  So I don’t have to stay at home ALL OF THE TIME anymore.

If I don’t manage to make the chili tonight, I will prep some of the chicken for sandwiches tomorrow.  Or to go with my spinach in a salad.  I have some blue cheese dressing that is great with spinach.  Cucumber and tomatoes, green onion, and there is my salad.  I think that is what I will end up doing.  I have been known to eat the mini cucumber “straight up” like I picked it fresh from the garden.  I also have taken a knife to work to prep my salad during my lunch break, right before eating it.  I always have people looking at my lunches, especially my homemade leftover lunches.  I am not a PB & J kind of a lunch packer.  I like having food prepped to eat and ready to grab on my way out the door in the mornings.  It can be something I made for the whole week as I don’t always share my lunch with my husband.

The whole point of getting the chicken and popping it in the crock pot was to have the meat ready to go.  And it is in the fridge, still in the crock pot.  That is as far as I got.  I have been making excuses lately for not prep cooking, and I am going to have to stop doing that.  Yes,  it is easier to go get fast food.  But I have to keep reminding myself that I really enjoyed that chili the last time I made it, and I know it will be really good.  I made the chicken, so now I have to eat it. If my husband wasn’t a fan of this recipe, I would use up the spinach in the chili.  He liked it, so I am going to have to use it another way, maybe with scrambled eggs.

THM Wicked White Chili Recipe

I made it in a pot on the stove.  I used white kidney beans as I could not find the beans the recipe calls for.  I halved the measurements on the cumin and the chili powder.  I did not add any Greek yogurt.  I do not know where to get the chilies and tomatoes mixed, so I add mild chilies and extra stewed tomatoes.  I followed the rest of the recipe and it was delightful.

I go through phases.  Sometimes I try really hard to stay on plan, and other times I just make the wrong choice.  It is really all up to me, and if you read my story a few weeks ago, the monster has been louder again this week.  It wants fast food and junk food and all of the things that got me to the weight I am at today.  Sometimes I choose the wrong thing to eat because I am self-sabotaging my goals of a healthier lifestyle.  I have to keep fighting with myself, for myself.  I am the only one that can make those choices, and I really need to get serious about it.  Again.  It feels like a roller coaster at times, I am sometimes on track and doing well, and then the bottom falls out from under me and I stray from where I need to be going.

Right now, I can only imagine what it would be like to have lost the weight I need to lose.  I need to do it, for me, and for my health.  I need to keep reminding myself that I am worth the better choices and that I am worth the extra time and planning that prep cooking takes.  Otherwise, I will have to live with the consequences, and that is not how I want to be living my life.

Since I had the sinus infection, I have been needing to use my puffer a little more frequently.  I do find that it is hard to take a deep breath sometimes.  It has helped, and I am not using it on a daily, or even on a weekly basis, but sometimes I find my chest feeling tight, and I need to use it.  I guess that means I need to plan a real appointment with a doctor at the clinic.  I do not yet have a new family doctor.  I know it is important to get the appointment scheduled and go get it over with.  The anxiety is still making me hesitate, but I know, deep down, that I need to make the effort to take care of myself.  So the appointment needs to be scheduled, and then I need to go.  I think it is time for that lovely once a year check up, and that is not something anyone should skip.  If I let it go much longer I will need to get my prescriptions refilled, anyway.  So there is a reason to go soon, even if it is just for that.

I didn’t know how much negativity was creeping into my life.  I mean, I was so used to listening to the monster inside that I didn’t even realize that negative self-talk was happening.  I am trying to listen for the inner beauty talk.  It is very, very quiet.  I need to listen harder.  I know it is in there.  And it is crying to be let out of the cage the monster locked it in.  Writing that just broke my heart, a little.  Maybe the crack will be enough to let the inner beauty escape the cage, and find her voice.

#TrustYourGutThursday  #TYGT

Weekend Warrior # 16

weekend-warrior

Weekend Warrior

Here I am in the middle of another busy weekend!  I have been pushing hard at the Spring Cleaning project, as the deadline looms in the ever shrinking distance.  I am getting help around here this weekend, and it had been thoroughly appreciated.  Currently, it is too hot to do much puttering, so I am taking a few minutes to stop and write before I go back to work.

I have also been eating ribs all weekend long.  It is the annual Ribfest here this weekend, so I have sampled and eaten rib meals all weekend long.  I am ready for my last rib supper of the event tonight.  I have enjoyed the dinners, but it will be good to get back on plan tomorrow and start working on my healthy eating again.

I am planning to do some more work in the Master bedroom after I write this.  If I can cool down.  We are saving towards getting a heat pump installed here, and that will provide a more economical source for heating and air conditioning our home.  I look forward to that very much, especially on days like today.

I slowed down a little this past week, but this weekend has been the start of the crunch to get the Spring Cleaning done before crossing the finish line.  I am going to start in the bedroom while the sun is out.  It will be hard to not just flop on the bed and nap until it cools down.  I have a deadline, and I intend to keep it.

This means I will be working at this place constantly until I have finished.  I am going to have to putter all week long.  There is no Zumba for a few weeks, so my plan is to house clean instead, with music.  This will keep me moving, and get my project worked on at the same time.  It might not be the same intensity level, but moving any way at all has been my motto since I started Zumba.  I will continue.

It is a lot to accomplish in the time I have left, but if I keep at it, it will get better and over time become a list of completed tasks rather than an overwhelming list of things to do.

I am going to end here for this week.  It is so windy outside that I have experienced a couple of power brownouts while writing.  I hope the power stays on so I can continue bouncing the house.  It is much harder to stay motivated without music.

As the Spring Cleaning comes to an end, I am going to be changing the focus of these stories in July.  I will still be writing about my weekend activities, and maintenance cleaning routines as I develop them.  I am also going to start writing about the second half of this year’s project, writing my book.  The gears are going to shift here soon, and there will be lots to write about as I start a new adventure!

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 16

trust-your-gut

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Home page for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 16

My hormones have gone CRAZY! When I was sick my body got a little confused, and now that it is getting on track, I WANT CHOCOLATE!  Not the square or two of the 85% cocoa that is on plan, but regular, easy to find, totally bad for me chocolate.  I am fighting with myself a lot right now.  I know what I should do, and then there is what I want to do.  Sometimes, the want is more than average, and my brain makes it a need.  So this week I gave in a little.

I also made the lasagna last Sunday, and I have been eating a piece a day for lunch this week.  I needed suppers, and I have planned an adventure in my kitchen that happened yesterday…

I love making Chicken Bacon Ranch Casserole.  I don’t have any chicken breasts ready in the freezer to make it with.  So I poached some salmon pieces and made Salmon Bacon Ranch.  It turned out really good.  I swapped the chicken for salmon (poached in water with onion powder, dill and garlic) and made the recipe.  I doubled the dill, added spinach, and extra Miracle Whip and Plain Greek 0% fat yogurt.  I used extra old cheddar, and bacon bits.  I kept the parsley, cream cheese, garlic and pepper as per the recipe.

I was surprised at how good this turned out.  It is rich and heavy, but carb free.  I checked my sugars right after supper, and they were at 10.2.  For after eating, this is really close to normal range.  Considering that it was a Zumba night, and I had a juice box, a G2 and a snickers bar before supper, (I was hangry and dropping)  this is what I needed to see.  It means that I was correct about being low, and I didn’t do too much to overcompensate. YAY!

So what I am getting at this week is that sometimes, chocolate is a necessary evil.  More importantly, it is good to experiment in the kitchen with healthy recipes.  You might surprise yourself.

I am not going to have Zumba classes for a few weeks.  I am in charge of keeping the Zumba Crew motivated until class starts up again.  I have a few ideas, but I need to get the gumption up for me to work on it as I need to be active too, especially when classes are cancelled.  Dance off, anyone?

#TrustYourGutThursday  #TYGT

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 14

trust-your-gut

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Home page for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 14

Getting back on track is easier said than done.  It takes determination and effort.  I have missed a few Zumba classes.  I went today.  I was eating anything and everything, the last few weeks.  I prep cooked earlier in the week.  My insulin is now working well enough to lower my doses again.  Some days it is a fight just to get motivated to do what I should be doing.  Other days I feel prepared to tackle everything.  I am gearing up for another run at living a healthier lifestyle.

Last week I was watching the scale climb.  This week it is starting to go down.  I am working hard to try and stay on plan as much as I can, and it is working.

The last few months I have been consciously trying to drink more water.  It is a good idea, not just for me, but for everyone.  It would be better if I enjoyed drinking water.  I have to force myself to drink water, sometimes.  I have a drinking buddy, my straw!  I need to get it in quickly or I won’t drink as much water in a day.  Straws certainly help with that.

It is time to get out the measuring tape again.  Still, nothing to report.  With the last few weeks of being sick, I will have to take the number on the scale moving down as my encouragement.  It is good that it is going the right way again.

My heart rate was steady in class.  I do love that I can check it.  Now I have to keep a better focus on what I eat and how much insulin I am taking because my body has come around to responding to it well, again.  That happens when I work hard.  I feel better so I want to do more and I do that and I feel even better.  It is possible.  Just not when I am sick. Everything goes out the window when I am sick.

I did go to the doctor last week.  He gave me a different antibiotic.  I bought a probiotic to take with it because we all know the warnings about what happens when you take one antibiotic, and now I have had to take two.  It has been a little challenging to keep track of when I have to take what medicine.  The good news is that it appears to be working, and worth the trouble.

This week I am feeling more optimistic.  When I feel like doing things, there is a better chance that they will get done.  I am finally feeling like trying again.  So lesson learned.  When my sugars are skyrocketing out of control, it is not me, or what I am or am not eating; I am probably sick.  Which is good to know, because I don’t remember this happening when I was off work with my infected knee.  There is a good reason for that. Painkillers.  I was on some heavy duty painkillers.

I am sleeping better this week.  Quality sleep is also important in the struggle to live a healthier lifestyle.  If you are well rested, it will boost the energy.  Again, you can do more.  It can snowball in the right direction.  It is happening for me right now.  It can happen for you too.  If you need help, ask. Don’t be afraid.  If you don’t ask for help, it might be too late.  We are all worth helping.  We are all worth loving.  Believe it.  When you believe that you are worth investing your own time and energy into, good things will happen for you too. One change becomes two, then three and so on.  What change are you going to work on this week?

 

 

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 13

trust-your-gut

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Home page for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 13

I am retaining water.  The scale is climbing.  I am still fighting a sinus infection and on antibiotics.  I am not scared to eat this week (I see the results of that on the scale) because my insulin and my body have started working together again.  That being said, I still do not feel well.  I am getting my sugars back under control, which is a good sign.  I am still experiencing sinus pain and pressure, my face is still puffy, and the headache is still bouncing around with an aura or two just to keep things interesting.

Where am I headed with my story this week?  Back to the doctor.  My sugars were slipping out of control for a while now, and I was avoiding a trip to the doctor because I thought I was doing something wrong.  I was not eating the healthiest choices and was blaming myself for the sugars being high.

People talk about that little voice in your head.  The negative one.  The one that whispers so quietly you aren’t even really sure if it is in there, but it is.  It’s the one that says my sugars are high because I am failing at my diet and the doctor isn’t going to want to help me anymore because I am not doing my part to take care of myself.  It is whispering that it is OK to try that ice cream because it is a new flavour and once you try it, you won’t wonder about it anymore.  Don’t get me wrong, treats are OK, but they aren’t meant to be an everyday thing in the life of a person with type 2 diabetes.  If I didn’t give in a little once in a while, I would give up and stop caring altogether, and that is not the path I want to walk on.

Another little voice is nagging in the back of my head, telling me that there might be something REALLY wrong.  Like when my knee was infected and my life had to go on pause in order to fight that infection and get better.  My knee still hurts, a little, from time to time.  It is not a muscle pain from any exercise related injury.  It still feels like jello sometimes.  You want to know the scariest part about that whole experience?  They still don’t know why or how it became infected in the first place.

I did what the doctors said.  I stayed as still as possible.  I got better.  I wore bandages for two months on my calves to reduce the fluid in them so I could be fitted for compression stockings.  They work really well because I force myself to exercise.  I have a job where I need to sit for most of my day.  I listen to music in my down time, and I dance in my chair.  I have a stool at my desk to elevate my feet to keep the fluids from pooling in my calves.  I put up my feet and bounce in my chair as much as I can.  Sitting still in a chair all day is not good for anyone.  So I move around to keep the blood pumping, and the music does keep me in a decent mood at work.

I have missed Zumba a lot the last few weeks.  With a migraine, I didn’t go.  With the sinus infection, I didn’t go.  I have decided that I need to revisit the doctor I saw last week.  I am on day 8 of the antibiotics.  Day 10 is on a Friday.  The doctor is only at the clinic Monday to Friday.  Saturday is not a day I want to spend waiting to see a doctor.      I am not getting better fast enough.  I need more help.

When you have issues with weight, it is easier to live in denial about the state of your health than to go to the doctor about it.  It is a vicious cycle.  Eat sleep avoid living and just exist.  If you are morbidly obese like I am (I am fighting for the day I can stop having to use that description for my weight) then it is just that.  It is so much easier to not care and eat whatever you want and be miserable on the inside, faking the happy person you appear to be on the outside.

Because it is all a huge cover up.  Acting.  Pretending everything is OK.  It’s not.  Anybody that has issues with their weight like I do is not happy.  Not truly.  And if you are listening to that little voice and believing it when it says that the junk food will make you happy, you are letting that little voice in your head lie to you.  And you are falling for it every time you listen.

If you are like me, there are discussions that happen with more than one voice in your head at the same time. (That will be a good thing when I am hearing the characters from my book  talk in my head when I write).  I spend more time talking myself out of things than I do talking myself into them.  Because it is easier to do the thing that is not the best choice most of the time.  Easier does not mean better.  If you want something, you have to work for it.  It is easy to be fat.  It is hard work to be healthy.

And then the littlest voice of all whispers that I will still need surgery when I lose the weight because I will have flaps of skin left hanging around.  It is a fight I have been having inside of my head for years.  That one little voice has been working against my wishes to be a healthier person.  It is so quiet, and then it sneaks in and gets a little pushier and louder and then I realize I went off plan again.  I tell myself that I won’t feel guilty about it, but I have layers and layers of guilt protecting my body from the healthier person that I could be.

I have also had a former doctor treat me like a hypochondriac.  I stopped wanting to go to the doctor because he wasn’t listening to me, or taking anything I was telling him seriously.  When he moved away I was lucky that my next doctor was one of the good ones.  He is an advocate for people that try to improve their health, and he was supporting me in my efforts to become a healthier person.

Last month a letter came in the mail.  My current doctor is moving away too.  I am afraid that the next doctor will be another bad one.  So scared that I have been avoiding making an appointment to go, and avoiding my regular blood work as I know the numbers are not going to be good.  Not at all.  I am secretly terrified of what is going to happen when I get another doctor.  That is not how I want to live my life.

So, I am going to the clinic in the morning before work tomorrow.  Not where my new doctor will be, but to the one in the mall where I work.  He diagnosed the sinus infection, and he saw me a little more than a week ago.  I need to feel like trying again.  So I am going to ask for more help.  Because what I am doing now isn’t working, and it is time to try something different.  I want to be better.  I want to get back to living my life, not just merely surviving it.  It is hard to go back to the doctor because I am scared that I will be told to give the antibiotics more time.  Or that he will prescribe the same ones for a longer time.  That is a part of the reason the other doctor thought I was a hypochondriac.  He thought everything that was wrong with me was because of my weight.  He made me doubt myself, and that is why I am having such a hard time with all of this.

My gut tells me that the antibiotics aren’t working.  Tomorrow I will let the doctor know what I think, and I hope that he will help me find another way to feel better.  I hope that a week from now I am back to prep cooking, and Zumba, and feeling like trying to be that healthier person I want to become, again.

Trust Your Gut.

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 12

trust-your-gut

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Home page for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 12

Sometimes I am scared to eat.  I know;  a morbidly obese person is not expected to write those words.  I am so overweight that it could kill me, and I certainly didn’t end up weighing this much by not eating, that is for sure.  But there is this thing I have called type 2 diabetes.

Let’s get it straight.  I am a person that has type 2 diabetes.  The same way I am a person that has thyroid disease.  The same way I am morbidly obese.  The same way I have allergies.  All of these descriptive phrases contribute to different parts of me, but they do not define me.  I think that it is the time that we all take a look at that, and really think about it.  Because saying that someone is a diabetic is almost the same as saying they are not a person, because of how you say it.  I am a person that has diabetes.  I am a woman that has blue eyes.  The colour of my eyes does not define me, but it is a part of many things that contribute to me, the person as a whole.  In a world where people are way too quick to label people and judge them, I think it is time to stop doing this.  The world is changing all the time, and people are trying to be more politically correct.  If we all think of each other as people that have many adjectives to describe them, it is a good place to start.  We all have our good qualities and we all have our issues.  Mine are not the same as yours, but we all have issues and good qualities.  That is the common ground we all have together.

Back to being scared to eat.  I am learning how to treat blood sugar lows.  I have learned to drink a juice box, and have a sucker or a candy, and wait.  I then check my sugars again.  If they are responding to the treatment, I stop panicking and move on with my day.  If they don’t, I may go overboard and eat too much candy to get my sugars up, and then I have to figure out what to do to bring them down again.  If I overreact and they are high, it means I am not panicking about them being too low anymore, but that means they are too high.  This is one scenario similar to what I am writing about, except there is another time when I am really scared to eat.  When my blood sugars are high, and I don’t know why.

I am starting to learn what I should eat to bring my blood sugars down.  It is not an easy thing to figure out.  I take insulin, and if you take too much, it is possible to die from an overdose.  I am very scared that this could happen to me.  So I am careful if I have to take more insulin than a regular dose when my sugars are higher than normal.  But how much is too much?  Some days I don’t even know how much I should take.  On those days I either play it safe by not taking too much which is usually not enough,  or I check my sugars every couple of hours to make sure I am not dropping if I take that larger than normal dose.

If my sugars are high and I am not able to get them to a normal level with insulin, that is uncharted territory.  I am fighting with them a lot this week.  I am worried that there is a reason behind them being so high, and for why it seems so hard to get them back under control.  It can be a sign that something else is going on in my body like it is fighting an infection. I will be honest here, I have never seen them as high as they were this past Sunday night.  I took insulin.  Got up the next morning, and they were down, but still high.  I took 2 doses of insulin that were quite high when I added them together, because of how close the doses were taken.  Only after the second dose did I see a change, and it wasn’t drastic, and I didn’t crash with a blood sugar low.  I went to Zumba Monday night, and they were almost within normal range.  I have not had a spike in high blood sugar like that today, but I am STILL fighting to get them under control and keep them within normal range. (I am writing this on Tuesday evening).

When this is happening, I am scared to eat.  I am scared that anything I put into my mouth will cause my sugars to go even higher.  It is not a weight thing.  I am worried that my blood sugars will just keep climbing and I won’t be able to get them back under control.  I know I need to eat.  I know that if I make healthy choices, things will have to change, it is just a matter of time.  But delaying that meal can be detrimental to what could happen.

Let’s say I just don’t eat.  My sugars might spike as my body tries to keep sugar in my bloodstream without the addition of food.  Eventually, the sugars will drop.  I then become a little desperate, hangry, and indecisive.  That combination will eventually lead to my blood sugars dropping.  This is not productive and does lead to a panic when I realize that my sugars are starting to drop.  It is at that time that I reach for an easy meal or snack that may not be the healthiest thing for me to eat, and the roller coaster has fuel to continue.

What I have learned is that if I wake up with a pattern of high blood sugars, I do need to increase my long acting insulin dose.  A little at a time, until I have normal fasting blood sugars in the morning.  Then I can ease it off.  Protein is supposed to help with this also, and I am trying to find a bedtime snack that does more good than harm.  Throughout the day I have to test frequently, to help sort out what is causing the blood sugars to be high and not normal.  This may cause me to skip a snack because of the level I see when I test.  It also may cause me to delay eating because I am scared that it is only going to make things worse.

And then it happens.  The insulin starts working again, and I am not having blood sugar highs anymore because I am now fighting blood sugar lows.  This is a byproduct of getting them back under control.  When my body decides to accept the insulin, it does it suddenly, and I am scrambling again to get my sugars within normal levels.  If I am not monitoring them constantly during this time, I risk them staying too high if I am not taking enough insulin, or having to lower my doses because my body is responding and I am taking too much insulin.  It is difficult at times to try and outsmart this diabetes that I have, and that is why I am scared to eat sometimes.

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 11

trust-your-gut

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Home page for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 11

I bought my first tankini. I went to one store and tried on the one piece swimsuits.  I was disappointed.  So I had to go outside of my comfort zone.  The people working there were helpful.  They told me that the best thing about a 2 piece was that if you had to go to the bathroom, it was a lot easier.  I thought about that and decided to try on a tankini.

The style I chose has a tank top and shorts.  Everything is still covered.  Just like a normal bathing suit.  The shorts are comfortable.  The top was a challenge.  I need support, but didn’t find the right kind in the first few tops I tried on.  Support in a swimsuit = constrictive.  It felt too tight.  So I kept trying on different tops until I found one that fit right in that area.

Then it was the wrong style.  Of course.  So the search continued.  I settled on a striped one that looks just like a tank top.  Then I went swimming.  The top floats!  I didn’t want one that did that, and I was assured that they don’t do that now.  That was my main reason for wanting a one piece.  I was a little paranoid at first.  There is a built-in bikini support in the top.  So I just fussed with it a lot but had a good time swimming.  It will be OK for Aquacise, I think.  It will take some getting used to but I think it will work better than my old swimsuits.  It actually fits and was a size smaller than the other ones I tried.  Yay me!

While travelling this past weekend, I let the plan slide a little.  I didn’t overeat.  I ate healthy choices when I could.  I ate, and I didn’t worry too much about it.  Sometimes life takes priority.  You do what you can, and let it slide a little.  Then you have to get back on track.  For me, prep cooking helps me to stay on track.  I have to do the work so that when I want to take the easy way out, the easy way IS to stay on plan.  I have learned this while on THM, and I am the only person that can make those choices for me, so ultimately, it is up to me.

A friend introduced me to spaghetti squash.  I was reluctant to try it.  I do like squash as a side dish, but I had never tried spaghetti squash before.

It sat in my kitchen for a week before I bit the bullet and tried it.

I was pleasantly surprised!  I now eat spaghetti squash a couple of times a month.  It is good with spaghetti sauce.  It is good in spaghetti pie.  It is good in casseroles.  The verdict is that I like it.

When we have spaghetti, I have spaghetti squash instead of the pasta.  I load the sauce on it, and the parmesan cheese and eat until I am full.  Without the tired feeling that I get when I eat pasta.  I call it SPAGHETTI SALAD! What a wonderful gift my friend gave me when she told me to take that spaghetti squash home to try it.  If you haven’t tried spaghetti squash, try it with an open mind.  It really is worth it for me, and if you like it, you can thank me for the tip after you try it.

If you don’t know how to cook it, I didn’t either.  Here is a link for cooking it in the microwave or the oven:

How to cook a spaghetti squash in the microwave or the oven

I found this link and the one below in my own internet searches, all credit goes to the authors of the instructional pages.  The other method I can recommend is in the slow cooker.  You can find the instructions for that here:

How to cook spaghetti squash in a slow cooker aka crock pot.

So my tip for you this week is to try spaghetti squash if you have never tried it before.  If you already love it, maybe try it in a new recipe, or try another healthy recipe that you have been hesitant to cook for whatever reason.  Just go for it!  And comment below if you did.  Let me know how it turns out!

Do you have a favourite way to cook spaghetti squash or a favourite recipe for making spaghetti squash?